Monday, June 19, 2017

Schooled

I was innocently eating an apple when my grandson let out a cry of disbelief.

What's wrong?

I have to get an apple so I can show you how to eat one!

You take a bite, chew, swallow, take another bite.  It's not rocket science.

You're holding it wrong.  I can'f believe you don't know how to eat an apple, Grandma!

Holding it wrong?

Well, the lad has definite ideas about the proper way of orienting an apple as you move it toward the mouth and take a bite.

For decades now I have held an apple -- thumb on the blossom end, fingers on the stem end -- and bit into it so that my thumb and fingers would line up along the corners of my mouth.

Even toddlers know how to do it.

Dane, on the other hand, thinks the apple should be stem up and blossom end down. I guess some people agree.



In any case, I guess an apple a day will keep the doctor away.

13 comments:

  1. I had no idea there was a proper way to eat an apple. I actually wash it, peel it, cut it, and slatter it with peanut butter...

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  2. Hilarious. With people arguing how to dress, what to say and where to go, eating fruit? Hilarious.

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  3. No way! The stem should always be parallel to the mouth, as in your method.

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  4. So funny! I guess we are such a divided nation we can't even agree on how to eat an apple?
    I cut mine into 16 slices - always! Well, most of the time :-)

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  5. This is funny! I'm was in your camp earlier on, but like Linda I tend to cut mine into at least eight pieces. My children disliked the core, so I would cut the apple up and call the pieces boats...it became a habit so now I do it for myself as well!

    Eileen

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  6. I had to hold an imaginary apple just now to see how I do it!

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  7. I eat an apple your way. The only reason to choose the other might be to keep you from biting into the core. Apple seeds contain Cyanide but you have to eat 12 ounces to die from them.

    Tell this to your grandson. A little boy had a worm named Motor. One day Motor disappeared and the little boy was very sad. He missed his friend. One day the boy was eating an apple and when he bit into it, out bored Motor:-) (get it..Outboard Motor...)

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  8. That is too funny! Kids! Guess I've been eating them wrong, too!

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  9. That is too funny. I'm on your side and fear I'd get a stem up my nose his way. Yikes, even apple eating has division:))

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  10. I never knew there was a prescribed way in which to eat an apple. To each his own, but this is hilarious.

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  11. I bought some apples this week and had to try your grandson's method. It was absolutely impossible for me to eat the apple that way. I made a mess.

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  12. Like Ralphy with his Red Rider BB gun, one's eye is at risk. Not being shot of course but for being poked with the stem. Then again stems can be removed.

    The other problem with Dane's method is successfully navigating about the core. A theoretical analysis of the method would suggest that it would be far easier to accidentally penetrate the core and ingest those nasty toe nails that encase the seeds. I think the circumferential approach is superior to the axial approach.

    An analysis of the photos you provided of the axial approach would suggest that these photos were created by the apple growers cooperatives for advertising and are emphasizing the beauty and desirability of the apple rather than a proper method of eating. They want to place the apple right side up in photo to emphasize the beauty of the apple. It may also have a influence from geography. We tend to think of north as being straight up.

    Wait! I have the definitive solution to this enigma. What would Steve Jobs do? Looking at the Apple logo sticker under my screen, the bite is clearly taken from the circumferential method and not the axial approach. If it is good enough for Steve Jobs, it has to be good enough for me. Sorry Dane, your wisdom, never fails to amaze me, but on eating apples, Grandma is correct.

    How does Dane prescribe the proper method for eating corn on the cob? Surely he doesn't hold the axis North and South? Assuming a East/West axial positioning, shall we call it the typewriter platen method, does he then eat axially like a type writer types? Or does he go completely around the platen circumferentially and then hit the tab key one mouth width? Does he approach the cob from left or right? Analysis of the hand and finger movement for both methods would indicate the axial method less work.

    Hmmm, but let's cease this natty theorizing and get to a real test of character. How does Dane split an English muffin?

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I appreciate readers' comments so much. You don't even always have to agree with me.