I consider myself fortunate to have the support of friends and family through a difficult time. My lawn has been mowed by neighbors. Flowers from talented gardeners were brought to cheer me at home and to decorate the community center for the celebration of life and memorial service. Cards arrived everyday for three weeks. I have been fed. My friend Ginnie has done way more than her share by feeding out of town family, including two teenage boys and a 21 year old. That's a lot of lasagna and macaroni and cheese! (I kept her zucchini casserole for myself though.) She helped me put together the photo display and picked up the cake and delivered it, too. Maggie brought quiche and wine. My friend Donna sent a gift card for pizza while Mike was still in the hospital and made a pasta salad for Saturday. Carl and Ellie supplied chicken and biscuits and homemade chocolate chip cookies. Mary Jane introduced me to Ben and Jerry's Liz Lemon frozen yogurt.
My cousin John rode his motorcycle from Rochester, NY, to attend the service. My cousins Bill and Carla sent a wonderful fruit basket. Mike's cousin Chris drove up from Connecticut and his buddy Moose brought his girls from Rhode Island and headed back home in the same day. That is touching effort to pay respects. So many of Mike's friends and colleagues have been in touch. People have been very kind.
The celebration of life went very much as I had envisioned it. Mike's youngest grandson took some pictures early in the day and I will post those another time. I guess it was a major step in the direction that grief and mourning can take us, a public admission that Mike's death is real--a new depth of pain and just when I think the well of tears has surely run dry, a whole new flood rains down. I realize that this is the road I have to travel for now. It is good to have the helping hands reach out along the way because this is really very hard.
You are strong and surrounded by loving friends and family. God bless you and keep you.
ReplyDeleteI know that I follow in your very foot steps and that makes your support so very meaningful. Thank-you my new friend.
DeleteMy dear Olga, I have thought of you so often over this past weekend. I can't imagine the pain. I am so glad you have such a wonderful network of family and friends to be there for you. Sending you good Karma and hugs as you get through these next few difficult weeks/months/years. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThere is no imagining it. I never would have. But thoughts and hugs help me tremendously.
DeleteThank-you, Muffy.
You are blessed to have the love and support of so many family and friends. God bless.
ReplyDeleteAmen.
DeleteYou're such a strong, loving woman. I'm glad that you have so much love surrounding you.
ReplyDeleteOh, I have my moments of meltdown, but I know I am strong and I believe Mike is still by side in anew kind of way.
DeleteI am so glad you are surrounded by family and friends during all this. You need that and it will help. Sending you some virtual hugs, too. Hang on.
ReplyDeleteI have a whole new level of appreciation for family and friends.
DeleteOlga,
ReplyDeleteGrief is one of the worst emotions for taking two steps forward and being knocked down flat sometimes back to square one. It is a long row hoe and it hurts badly. I am convinced that it is not time that heals but the process of grieving. Unfortunately there are no shortcuts. Lean on you friends and batten down the hatches, the storm will rage yet for a while. But also take tiny steps forward. You will never quit missing Mike but a day will come when his memory doesn't crush your heart.
I wish your appreciation was for something else but yes, your friends, family, and neighbors have been wonderful. Keep leaning on them. May God bless you. You are walking a path, I fear more than anything else.
You have described it so well, the process of grief. I really do hope your burst of flame plan works out for you because that would be beautiful.
DeleteI think you must walk grief's path - there is no shortcut for sorrow. The best news is that you are well cared for and loved along the way. I often think of you, Olga.
ReplyDeleteIt is a path and I can only keep inching forward. I do appreciate everyone's thoughts.
DeleteIt helps to know you have so many wonderful people in your life. Don't hesitate to lean on them, they want you to and right now, you need the support. I pray for the day when his memory brings a smile and not a tear. Sending hugs and caring thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Patti. I do have circles of support and one circle is the blogging community.
DeleteI hope I have the kind of love and support you have received when my time comes. I don't think you will ever get over loving and missing your husband.
ReplyDeleteI will never stop loving Mike, but I do hope the pain involved with missing him diminishes. I so much wish I had more time with him, but I cannot focus on that. I have to keep on grieving until the tears have cleansed me enough to see a new way.
DeleteYou are reaping the rewards of all the things that you have done for others, plus receiving some extra blessings, I am sure. One sure sign that you are a giving person is that you are putting the emphasis on the positive things done by others rather than on the suffering that you are sure to be enduring. Hoping for the best as you walk "grief's path," as Barb so eloquently put it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for those kind words.
DeleteYou are being carried in the arms of many, including those of us who know you only virtually. Thank you for letting us be part of your grieving.
ReplyDeleteI also get comfort from knowing even my "on screen" friends are there.
DeleteOlga, friends mean so much during the grief process. Thankfully, you are surrounded by many. You will not forget the kindness of those who came to your side. Know that many of us out here in the virtual world are also holding you close to our hearts.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sally. I know that you know the process all too well. It does help tremendously to be surrounded by loving family and friends.
DeleteI am glad you have such strong and loving support. It won't lessen the pain of your loss but I'm sure the love and care will help keep you connected to this world.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you from afar.
They say only time will lesson the pain. I have always hated to wish time away, but maybe an exception this once?
DeleteSee, already I make jokes!
DeleteI have been so awed by your strength, love and graciousness throughout this difficult time, Olga. I'm glad you're allowing people to help. People want to be able to do something at times like this. It comforts both ways. From reading your posts, I can see why you are so well loved. Please know how much we are all thinking about you and holding in our hearts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThat's lovely, Kay. Thank-you.
DeleteThere is so much bravery and understatement in this post. Keep going, Olga. Cherish those memories every minute of every day. We all walk the same path.
ReplyDeleteTo everything there is a season,and a time for every purpose under the heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;...
ReplyDeleteAlways in my prayers!
and this is the quote I used on Mike's "prayer" card which, maybe, I have shared with you already: Every blade in the fields, every leaf in the forest, lays down its life in its season as beautifully as it was taken up. Thoreau
DeleteTo everything there is a season,and a time for every purpose under the heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;...
ReplyDeleteAlways in my prayers!
Thank you for writing about all the people who have been there providing support for you. I've been worried. If you were in California I would bring you Sangria and a really big salad. It's still hot here so it would be perfect. And then I would bring you my chocolate cake. It's a really good cake. Instead, I send my fondest regards. Less enjoyable but also less fattening.
ReplyDeleteHmm...three things in my refrigerator at the moment--sangria, salad, and chocolate cake. Somehow the distance between us shrinks.
DeleteOlga you state what you are going through with such grace.
ReplyDelete