Is that a convoluted thought process or do you know what I mean?
A post from Baby Blogging Boomer has been sticking with me -- a post about the challenging behaviors her granddaughters are exhibiting. It touched my heart.
I left a comment and now I am regretting that it may have been intrusive.
Intrusive because it triggered something in me and my response was really directed to myself. This post was one of a series of messages the Universe has been directing at me.
Two big messages in my mind:
This from Haibun Today, an online journal:
A Quarterly Journal
Jeffrey Woodward, Founder & Owner
Ray Rasmussen, General Editor
Volume 12, Number 4, December 2018
Marilyn Humbert's "Hope," A Commentary by Terri French
I am a natural “fixer,” particularly when it comes to my children’s problems (sometimes real, sometimes perceived), which is why I could really relate to Marilyn Humbert’s piece, "Hope."
Fixers are helpers, but also sometimes controllers. There are things we can help with, but very little we can control. My eldest son and his wife recently decided they didn’t want children and took the necessary steps to make sure that conception would not occur. I’m not going to be called grandma, nana or mamaw anytime soon, maybe never. I have no control over that.
My youngest son has had drug problems. I’ve had him go to counselors, given him material to read, talked until I’m blue in the face, but I can’t “fix” him.
I empathize with Margaret when she says “I am filled with foreboding and guilt.”
Fear, guilt, shame, regret—it inspires so much of my own writing. Thankfully, so does hope.
Oh, yes, I am a "fixer" seen as a controller by my children, I am quite certain. My daughter doesn't say this to my face, but i get the story from my grandson! My son just knowingly makes a cryptic comment about about what kind of Karma is being played out.
And then there was my recent session with a Reiki Practitioner and Spiritual Intuitive. (By the way, one of the most soul satisfying things I have ever done in my long woo-woo life.) Amazing on so many levels, but a very clear statement of "you cannot fix because you cannot control the spiritual path of another."
So, ignore my advise or at least consider the source. I am confessing to be still working out my own stuff.